Where Do We Draw the Line?

TRUE STORY
A man had about 5 DUI's. His attorney kept moving trial dates until he could get a "lenient" judge or one who was a personal friend. The accused never spent a night in jail, even though he had a severe drinking problem. His next-to-last accident left him crippled, yet he continued to drink and drive. His last drunken drive killed a man who had a wife and 3 daughters. His attorney still tried to get him out of jail, even though he acknowleged that his client should have his license taken away (as if that would really prevent the guy from driving drunk). The argument was that the care required for his client as a result of years of self-abuse would not be adequate; therefore, the man should not be imprisoned. Tell that to the dead man's wife and 3 kids.

My friend, Jeff, asks: If a lawyer represents a criminal, gets him out on some technicality, and then his client goes out and kills someone, should the lawyer be held accountable?

And how about the victims? Should they be allowed to sue the attorney who repeatedly wins the release of a known criminal?

Our constitution provides for us to have access to legal counsel, and attorneys are bound by oath to do what they must to serve their clients. But suppose the accused is truly a danger to society, and the attorney really knows this? Then what should he/she do? Where is the line drawn?

What do you think? I look forward to your comments.

"The Naked Roommate"

I just bought a great book for my college student, even though he's been there awhile already. It's called, "The Naked Roommate" by Harlan Cohen (Sourcebooks Inc., $14.95). It's loaded with legitimate tips for soon-to-be and already-are college kids. Cohen pretty much tells it like it is, and he backs up his tips with outrageous, hilarious stories. He addresses issues faced by kids these days, ie: "The Freshman 15 . . .or, umm, 45" and "The Credit Card and the $600 Candy Bar" and "Don't Be So Stupid That You Accidentally Kill Yourself" and "Pimps, Hos, and Reputations" and "I Got Dumped and No Longer Have a Relationship" and "Wine Tasting, Bowling, and Other Important Electives" and "Meet People Without Even Trying." You get the idea. It's an entertaining and informative book for kids and parents alike.

Here's what his website says about Cohen:

Harlan Cohen was born naked. He grew up clothed in the suburbs in Chicago until growing up and heading off to college. The youngest of three brothers, Harlan was the last to go to college. Harlan landed at the University of Wisconsin in Madison, Wisconsin. He expected it to be an easy transition -- he was wrong. He got dumped by his high school long distance girlfriend, he didn't get into the fraternity he had been rushing, and he didn't find his place in college. In high school he was a big man on campus -- in college he was lost.

(www.thenakedroommate.com/ "The naked author exposed")

Cohen's irreverant way of writing will appeal to the college-age crowd. He offers tips and comments on coping with college life, based on his own experience (he was a college freshman twice) and other student interviews and stories. A few more of the topics include:

• Roommates: My Lying, Stealing, Klepto Roommate; Noisy, Naughty, and Nasty Roommates; and The Ulitmate Roommate Rule
• Life inside the Classroom: To Go or Not to Go; Most Professors Don't Hate You; and How to Be More Than Just a Number
• Money/Laundry/Cheap Eats: Paying for College; Cheaper Books, and Bad Checks, Bad Credit, and Other Bad Ideas

Check out Harlan's websites: www.thenakedroommate.com and www.helpmeharlan.com He has also recorded a CD that includes songs about college life, such as "My Roommate Stu."

Interesting links from the WallStreet Journal college site include articles written by Harlan Cohen and others:

http://www.wsjclassroom.com/archive/02oct/COLG_OCT.htm

http://www.wsjclassroomedition.com/oncampus/index.html

http://www.wjsclassroomedition.com/college/index.html

As many kids head off to college, these links and Cohen's book should provide entertaining as well as helpful information to them and their parents. In fact I think I'll include a copy of the book along with the customary check for future graduation gifts.

College 101 Pre-Requisite Course

Okay, so your little high school angel has survived the ACT, the SAT, the applications, and the anxious wait. He's been accepted to college. He's coasting through second semester in high school, looking forward to graduation and maybe first week at the beach or some other wonderful "I'm an adult" trip. And he's acting like a little jerk.

What happened to this kid who actually treated you civilly? You managed to get along pretty well compared to other kids and parents. When did the body snatchers come and replace him with this alien? Be not afraid. This phenomenon is what I call "College 101 pre-requisite."

You know you worry about sending him off to college, away from the safety net of your home and influence. You know you'll miss him. You anticipate the tears as you drop him off at his dorm. You dread saying good-bye to him.

Believe it or not, he's worried about the same things. Add in excitement and anticipation. Then throw in anxiety over things like: will I fit in? will I be able to make the grades? will I get homesick? how will I take care of myself? what if I get sick? and you have a major conflict warring inside your kid. What you see, however, is the end result of this conflict - a flip attitude and defiant behavior.

God does this to make it easier on all of us. He allows this precious child to become obnoxious just prior to going off to college so that we CAN'T WAIT to see him go! Conversely, he allows the relationship with the parent to sour enough for the child so that he CAN'T WAIT to get away from us! Ergo, it's much easier to say "good-bye."

Once the dust settles, your little angel will polish off his halo and sprout new wings. Well, maybe. At least his horns will fall off. When he comes home that first time, you'll see a marked change. An almost adult-like change. Then he'll raid the refrigerator, ask for some money, hand you his dirty laundry, and you'll recognize your child once more.

Cork 'em in a Barrel til they turn 22

I love teenagers. I really do. Just as toddlers are like sponges, absorbing all there is to know about living and experiencing everything for the first time, so are teenagers. Then, however, they are soaking up all things about the adult world. Sometimes they sop up the nasty stuff; other times they retain what it takes to be responsible. The problem is, we parents never really know what is seeping into their Bounty at any given moment. They tend to wad themselves up and stash away whatever they're holding.

Beginning in middle school (and sometimes earlier), kids are terribly tough on each other as they establish the hierarchy that often carries over into high school. With their often skewed values, they judge each other with cruelty. Those who survive are put on pedestals and then shoulder the burden of maintaining that glory amidst jealousy and attempted coups. Those who don't survive, carry the burden of low self-esteem. It is a cruel world in middle and high schools, and it is during an especially crucial time of a child's life.

Teenagers tend to value the opinions of their peers rather than the tried-and-true wisdom of their parents. It is times like this that a non-parental adult can be worth their weight in gold. While it may hurt our feelings for our child to be confiding in someone else's Mom, so long as that mom shares our morals and values, we should probably be glad our kid is talking to SOMEONE older than 18!

At school,teachers, counselors, coaches, aides, custodians, school nurses, cafeteria workers, and office staff offer many opportunities for discussions with our teenagers. Kids will tell so much to someone who is merely willing to listen with a non-judgmental ear. Those of us in such positions have a tremendous responsibility to try to say the "right things." Then we have to advise without the lecture; sympathize or encourage in an appropriate way; keep the secret or act on serious information without damaging the trust. Definitely a heavy load, but well worth it when we consider the effects we may have.

Then you have the parents who are equally distraught because they don't know what's going on with their sometimes angry or non-communicative teen. When I worked in a high school, I had emotional parents phone me with cries of dismay at their kids' behavior. Sometimes misery just loves company. To learn that they were not alone in their anxiety over their children eased their mind, even if only a little.

And they were not alone. Oh no. As much as I love teenagers, my little angels put me through the ringer many times. It's different with your own kids, no matter how trained or knowledgeable you might be about adolescents. I will stop there - my little angels, now grown, read this blog. But the parents I spoke with were definitely glad to hear my woes alongside their woes.

The good news is: most of them do grow out of it. When I turned 18 and went to college, I apologized to my parents for being so incorrigible. (and I was). My mother relished in telling that story over and over. One of my angst-ridden teenagers is now my best friend (next to my husband). Another of my know-it-all teenagers is actually asking for advice on food prep!

If we could just stuff the little devils in a barrel when they turn 13 and leave 'em there till they turn 22, I daresay we'd have fewer wrinkles, fewer gray hairs, and fewer chest pains. But then, when our precious grandchildren turn 13 and put their parents (our darling urchins) through total HELL and back, we'd never get to laugh derisively and say, "Oh yes, there IS a God!"

For Moms Everywhere

Here's a good one from my friend, Sue, for the approach of Mother's Day: about a "Research Associate in the Field of Child Development and Human Relations"

“MOM"

A woman named Emily renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you just a housewife?

"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a Mom."

"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation... 'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know... The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!

And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."

Motherhood.....What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great-grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

I love this!

A woman can qualify for any number of jobs based on all the skills required to fulfill the position of "mother."

Let's see, we must be accomplished at the following:

• MULTI-TASKING - self-explanatory

• COMMUNICATIONS - written, oral, body language, and psychic

• HEALTH DIAGNOSTICS - recognizing symptoms (real & faked), dispensing appropriate medications, managing dietary restrictions

• ORGANIZATION - keeping up with appointments, assignments, events, information, and documentation

• EVENT PLANNING - holiday, birthday, family, professional, and personal

• ACCOUNTING - balancing budgets & check-books, managing insurance & taxes

• PSYCHOLOGY - early childhood, adolescent, young adult, adult, and geriatric areas - all for both male and female

• MANUAL LABOR - indoors & outdoors: plumbing, electricity, painting, landscaping, heavy cleaning, automotive, and more

• DECORATING - home and garden

• POLITICAL LOBBYIST - school board, PTA, neighborhood association

• VOLUNTEER - all inclusive

• CHEF & DIETICIAN - culinary planning, preparing, serving, and cleaning up

• TAXI DRIVING

What have I left out?

But Motherhood is, by far, the most rewarding of professions with benefits reaped well after retirement. (IS there retirement?)

I am proud to be a member of this very special sisterhood and look forward to when I can be a "Senior Research Associate in the Field of Child Development and Human Relations."