Cork 'em in a Barrel til they turn 22

I love teenagers. I really do. Just as toddlers are like sponges, absorbing all there is to know about living and experiencing everything for the first time, so are teenagers. Then, however, they are soaking up all things about the adult world. Sometimes they sop up the nasty stuff; other times they retain what it takes to be responsible. The problem is, we parents never really know what is seeping into their Bounty at any given moment. They tend to wad themselves up and stash away whatever they're holding.

Beginning in middle school (and sometimes earlier), kids are terribly tough on each other as they establish the hierarchy that often carries over into high school. With their often skewed values, they judge each other with cruelty. Those who survive are put on pedestals and then shoulder the burden of maintaining that glory amidst jealousy and attempted coups. Those who don't survive, carry the burden of low self-esteem. It is a cruel world in middle and high schools, and it is during an especially crucial time of a child's life.

Teenagers tend to value the opinions of their peers rather than the tried-and-true wisdom of their parents. It is times like this that a non-parental adult can be worth their weight in gold. While it may hurt our feelings for our child to be confiding in someone else's Mom, so long as that mom shares our morals and values, we should probably be glad our kid is talking to SOMEONE older than 18!

At school,teachers, counselors, coaches, aides, custodians, school nurses, cafeteria workers, and office staff offer many opportunities for discussions with our teenagers. Kids will tell so much to someone who is merely willing to listen with a non-judgmental ear. Those of us in such positions have a tremendous responsibility to try to say the "right things." Then we have to advise without the lecture; sympathize or encourage in an appropriate way; keep the secret or act on serious information without damaging the trust. Definitely a heavy load, but well worth it when we consider the effects we may have.

Then you have the parents who are equally distraught because they don't know what's going on with their sometimes angry or non-communicative teen. When I worked in a high school, I had emotional parents phone me with cries of dismay at their kids' behavior. Sometimes misery just loves company. To learn that they were not alone in their anxiety over their children eased their mind, even if only a little.

And they were not alone. Oh no. As much as I love teenagers, my little angels put me through the ringer many times. It's different with your own kids, no matter how trained or knowledgeable you might be about adolescents. I will stop there - my little angels, now grown, read this blog. But the parents I spoke with were definitely glad to hear my woes alongside their woes.

The good news is: most of them do grow out of it. When I turned 18 and went to college, I apologized to my parents for being so incorrigible. (and I was). My mother relished in telling that story over and over. One of my angst-ridden teenagers is now my best friend (next to my husband). Another of my know-it-all teenagers is actually asking for advice on food prep!

If we could just stuff the little devils in a barrel when they turn 13 and leave 'em there till they turn 22, I daresay we'd have fewer wrinkles, fewer gray hairs, and fewer chest pains. But then, when our precious grandchildren turn 13 and put their parents (our darling urchins) through total HELL and back, we'd never get to laugh derisively and say, "Oh yes, there IS a God!"