2006-Things to Do

I won't kid myself or anyone else. New Year's Resolutions are like diets: began with the best intentions, followed for a short while, only to fall by the wayside as life goes on. Nevertheless, I have a few suggestions for 2006.

Let us all be a kinder, gentler people. Let us learn to turn the other cheek and to react less belligerently when inconvenienced.

Let's become more tolerant of differences between ourselves and other people. This includes respecting the rights and religions of other cultures. This includes trying to understand that God didn't make us all the same for a reason.

Let's bring back the Christian foundations of our country. It is disgraceful that we are being forced to abandon "Under God" and "Christmas tree" and the ten commandments because of a few, very vocal, individuals. That's not to say that freedom of religion isn't important. But our forefathers founded this country on Christian principals.

Let's accentuate the positive more in our journalism. Rather than going for titillating news events, let's report accurately things that are legitimately informative. This includes good things as well. Murders and accidents happen every second. Must they all be on the 11:00 news? Maybe if they didn't make headlines, some folks would be less inclined to behave so badly.

Be kind to animals. Nothing infuriates me more than to see helpless beasts mistreated. I think the perpetrators should be treated in like manner.

Let's unite and be Americans - all for one and one for all. I'd like to see politics reduced to election issues, and our elected officials spend their time making decisions that are best for our country rather than what's best for themselves.

Let's get the pork out of our bills in Congress. Line item voting is the way to go. I don't want to pay for a gilded bridge to an uninhabited island in Alaska because it was part of a bill introduced to do something necessary.

Let's educate ourselves on ways to help protect our environment. This includes limiting rampant and often ill-planned development when cities expand into the rural fringes.

Let's take responsibility for our own well-being. It is not the government's job to give us a paycheck or food or housing. These are things we must earn for ourselves.

Let's stop pointing fingers at everybody else for acts of nature or for consequences of our own poor planning.

Let's rear our own children and stop expecting the schools to do it for us.

Let's also be supportive of the educators trying to enable our children to take care of themselves when they grow up. If our children see that we parents believe education is vital, and we make it clear to them that we expect good grades and exemplary behavior, it stands to reason that we would be a more productive society. (consider this: are we losing jobs in this country because we aren't as serious about our education?)

Let's look out for each other. Let's be aware of our surroundings, our neighbors, and our family. Let's not be afraid to step up and help out if we see a need.

Let's focus on the importance of family. Everyone needs a support system. Who better than those related to you?

Let's learn to be thankful for the blessings we have: our freedom, our people, our resources, our families, our intelligence, our compassion. Then let's take what we have and try to make it better for others less fortunate.

Life Is Too Short

Life is too short to hold a grudge or feed a misunderstanding.

I think about this a lot, but I suppose Thanksiving and Christmas underscore it because these events center around fellowship with family and friends.

Why do individuals allow differences of opinion or disagreements to destroy relationships? Why do we assume that everyone has to be like us, think like us, or behave like us in order to be acceptable? Do we not realize that pride, jealousy, greed, judgment, and power are the tools of the devil?

Ours is a close family. The inlaws always got along well with the outlaws, despite different viewpoints or interests. Now the paternal cousins socialize with the maternal cousins; the potential in-laws join in with the cousins, the cousins-in-law, the step-family, etc. etc. etc. And we're so grateful, because this is what family is all about. As our tribe expands, so do our get-togethers. We refuse to let differences come between us. And we have so much fun!!!!

How is it that brothers and sisters no longer speak to each other? How can they let this happen? What possible good can come from a family torn apart? Who benefits from this?

We are human. We make mistakes; we misjudge situations. We hurt each other's feelings. We say stupid things. We forget things; we are insensitive. We neglect each other. Yeah, we do all these things just like everyone else, so let's cut each other some slack here. Let's stop behaving like children and learn to forgive and forget.

No one among us is better than another. When we get to heaven, it isn't going to matter who had the bigger house or the better car, or who got more inheritance, or who remembered to send a birthday card. It is going to matter who was kind, who reached out, or who showed compassion and forgiveness.

In a fast-growing, transient society like ours, family is very important. It gives us a safe haven, a cocoon into which we can retreat when the world gets to be too much to bear. It is unconditional love that will stay by our side through thick and thin. It is acceptance without expectations. It must be nourished for our own sakes.

I propose that, as Christmas approaches, we give ourselves an invaluable gift. If there are breaches in our family relationships, be the advocate and take the first step to fix it. Bury the negative feelings and plant the seeds of unity once again. When all else fails, it should be family who shore us up.

The same can be said for friends. Who among us doesn't need friends?

Life is too short to abandon these relationships and carry the burden of maintaining walls. It is too short to overlook staying in touch with people who matter in our lives. We can't afford not to communicate with those who share our history. Who truly wants to reach the end with regrets? Not I.

Favorite Christmas Sites

Christmas is just around the corner! Are you ready yet?

I'm about 70% ready. My cards are addressed; just waiting for the group to get together for the family snapshot. Many of the gifts are purchased, and those that aren't are noted. Am I making you sick? Yeah, I know. I'm a geek.

Well here's how I do it. I think about Christmas all year long. When someone comments on an item of desire, I go home and note it in my "Christmas notebook." Wherever I go, I'm on the lookout for things that might appeal to someone on my list. But one of the real tricks is something my sister-in-law and I decided everyone in our family needed to do:

collect something.

Since their family lives in another state, they all journey to our house for Thanksgiving. We then celebrate two holidays: Turkey Day and Christmas. Thus the need for many gifts to be bought and wrapped by November. But we all look forward to this event, especially now that there are young nieces and nephews to add to the excitement. I set up our tacky little fiber optic Christmas tree and pile the gifts underneath it. I like to watch people open the gifts I give; it's my favorite part.

We like to give things that folks wouldn't go out and buy for themselves. My brother-in-law gets a gaudy December Diamonds fish ornament. My sister-in-law likes the Tika Hasslock Seafood Celebration dinnerware. We give my son-in-law a S'mores ornament; they have special meaning. One niece collects Snowbabies. One nephew is a Harley rider like my better half. Some little nieces like American Girls. A nephew likes anything baseball. I collect snowmen. Our daughter collects many things: snowmen, Ice Fellas, Pfaltzgraff Winterberry. Another nephew loves to read. I have a friend who collects monkeys; another who I have decided needs to collect flamingos. This makes gift giving so much easier.

When our children were born, we began giving them a Hallmark collector ornament every Christmas. This way, they have their own decorations when they leave the nest. We've continued this tradition with our nieces and nephews: one gets a Noah's Ark ornament; others get a snowman, a gingerbread, or a Santa ornament. They will always know that their aunt and uncle gave them this collection.

In the summer, I type my list of recipients and note suggestions for gifts. Once the gift is purchased, it is typed in red, and the receipt is inserted in an envelope attached to the notebook. I keep these lists every year for reference, so I don't duplicate anything.

Most of my shopping is done online. If you watch Ebay, you can get some really good deals. Ditto for certain online stores. You can find nearly anything you want on the Internet if you're patient enough. Here are some interesting Christmas decor sites:

www.linmartreasures.com
S'mores, Ice Fellas, Candyland, Willow Tree, bird feeders, welcome flags, home decor, animals

www.simplychristmas.com
December Diamond ornaments, S'mores, Pipka, Charming Tails, Holly Twig Lane

www.bestwishesofboca.com
Lenox ornaments and china, Radko, Lladro, Precious Moments, Swarovski, Top Dogs, Spode

www.tistheseason.net
December Diamonds, Christopher Radko, Dept. 56 Krinkles, Willow Tree, sanddollar ornaments

www.laraines.com
December Diamonds, Dept. 56, novelty aprons & cover-ups, flamingos, mermaids

www.bronners.net
Christmas decor, lights, ornaments, gifts, personalized items, outdoor decor, stocking stuffers

www.Christmasplace.com
a little bit of everything

for Lenox collectors, you can actually go to the Lenox site and see what's new: www.lenox.com

for American Girl collectors, you can sometimes find brand new items on eBay, but you have to read the descriptions very carefully and know what should come in the package. The best deals are on the American Girl page itself, www.AmericanGirl.com, under the sales. Otherwise, things are pricey.

Tika Hasslock is a designer from New Orleans who creates very unique dinnerware and other items. They have a terrific pink flamingo line, too. My favorite shop is Cameron's Corner.

If you like Madame Alexander dolls (and I do!!!), I have many favorite sites, but here are probably the most inexpensively priced with the largest inventories: www.matildadolls.com and www.twodaydreamers.com. Here again, if you have the time and the patience, some of your best deals will be found on eBay.

If you're looking for small electronics, read the reviews on cnet.com first. It's a good site to learn what you need to look for, and it can link you to comparison shopping sites. Ditto with zdnet.com.

I order my Christmas cards later in the year when Current has theirs on sale. I use Avery labels and save the addresses as a word document. I cross check the return addresses on the cards I receive to make sure I have the correct ones, and I update my address book and the labels all throughout the year. Come fall, I'm ready to print.

Of course, www.Amazon.com has a lot more than books now.

The fun part of all this is the chase for the lowest price. As I mentioned before, if you have the time to be patient, you can find just the right gift at just the right price. This can't happen, however, if you wait until Christmas Eve to do your shopping. Like some gentlemen we know and love.

Happy Holidays!

The Pleasure Was Mine

You know you've read a good book when you feel a sense of desertion once you finish the last page. The characters have become your friends, and now they won't be telling you any more about their lives. I just finished one of those books.

The Pleasure Was Mine by Tommy Hays is an easy read, rich with characters and scenery. Hays lives in Asheville, NC, so he's very familiar with the Blue Ridge Mountains and Greenville, SC where the story takes place.

As the main character, Prate Marshbanks' demeanor brings to my mind similar characteristics of my father-in-law. I can just see him trying to be gruff and austere, when in reality, his heart is as soft and pure as gold. Prate's wife, Irene, who is the love of his life, is newly diagnosed with Alzheimer's as we meet them both.

In short order, we are introduced to Prate's and Irene's son, Newell, who is no stranger to tragedy. His wife and unborn child had been killed in an automobile accident leaving him to raise their son, Jackson, who was 5 at the time. The story begins 4 years later when Newell, a successful artist, has an opportunity for a fellowship at a nearby college for the summer, and he needs for Jackson to stay with his curmudgeonly grandfather for the duration.

That summer is a time of healing for all three fathers and sons. Watching this take place gives the reader an insight into the human heart and its capacity for love. Hays adeptly interweaves the hurts with successes and wit as the family, along with their neighbor, come to accept their fates, their needs, and their strengths. Irene, despite her illness, turns out to be the catalyst.

This is such a good read. It will give you pause to realize how precious are those we love. It will serve as a reminder to enjoy and appreciate them while we have them. It will do both of these things without being morose or sad. While missing the new friends you've made, you will also share their hope and anticipation for a happy future.

Who's Really Running the USA?

FEMA selected reputable companies who could mobilize large numbers of people in rapid time to work 12-14 hours a day, 7 days a week, on relief efforts for the victims of hurricanes Katrina and Rita. Work done for the US government must be auditable and properly documented. Orders must be approved before any work can be done. Right now, thanks to the Partisan and Media Finger Pointing Frenzy, FEMA employees are running so scared, no one wants to approve anything. So who suffers here? Right. The hurricane victims, once again.

I tell you that to ask you this: who is really running this country?

Political parties are gearing up for elections, trying to make those in power look as bad a possible in hopes to have them voted out. It's all about the elections. It's all about power and personal gain. It's all about which party is the winner. Let's use any newsworthy event to try to discredit the other party. When did it stop being about what's best for our country?

and how do these parties get their voices out? courtesy of our "unbiased" media.

Broadcasters are in it for the money. Ratings decide which show stays on the air and which show folds. Advertisers pay big bucks to sponsor the shows based on how many people watch them. Advertising pays their salaries. So let's see how we can drum up as many viewers as possible. And what entices people to watch our shows? Sensational stories. Controversy. Suffering. Doom and gloom.

So our "unbiased" media compete for the big stories. They ask leading questions that stir the controversy. They race to cover the disasters and encourage finger pointing. They give air time to anyone disagreeing with those in power. They can choose which events they cover; they can choose how they present the events. And because the media is the means by which Americans get most of our information, media opinions most often become the opinions of the US citizenry.

Is it safe to say, then, that the media is actually in charge? They do control public opinion. Public opinion decides who wins elections. Elected officials certainly enjoy the perks of being elected, and they want to be re-elected so they can continue enjoying these perks and power.

In the days immediately following the hurricane, guess what was the first question the media asked? Did FEMA go out for competitive bidding for these projects? Excuse me? Was there time to take bids, evaluate proposals, negotiate contracts? People had nowhere to go. People were dying. Yet you want to dig up some more dirt on how FEMA tried to respond to the situation at hand?

Let's see. You have a situation where lives are being lost and fingers are being pointed at our government for not being quick enough to assist. Then you have fingers being pointed at the way in which they try to get the assistance more quickly. Now you have government assistance being compromised because they're afraid of more criticism from political opponents and their media spokespersons. and who continues to suffer here? yep. the hurricane victims.

And while I'm on the subject - - -

Who rolled up their sleeves immediately and organized aid to be sent to the evacuees? Who opened up their hearts, wallets, and homes to those suffering from these catastrophes? The American people. The churches. The Red Cross. The Salvation Army. Volunteers who don't get political kick-backs or paid advertising. While the politicians and media were busy trying to place blame on someone, the everyday Americans faced the facts and took action.

Where was the ACLU? Where was Jesse? Where was Ted Kennedy? Where were the activists who want prayer and anything with God's name removed from public view? It was the God-loving American people who sacrificed for the sake of their brothers and sisters in trouble.

Does this tell us anything?

Teach Your Children

The lawlessness that took place in New Orleans after hurricane Katrina made America look bad. I've had a hard time finding justification for anyone raping and murdering defenseless victims or stealing jewelry and electronics because they're hungry. C'mon. So what happened here? Do we now have to anticipate thievery, raping, and murder when we formulate our disaster plans?

Let's look beyond New Orleans, though, at a problem that is more widespread. Why do people behave this way? Should we blame poverty? Should we blame ignorance? Should we blame abusive parenting? Should we blame George Bush? Should we blame?

I read a couple of articles just today that made me think about this. One was an article in our local newspaper by Marc H. Wilson, a rabbi who is a syndicated writer. ( MarcMusing.com ) The other is an interview by Sara Davidson with Charlize Theron in the October 2005 Reader's Digest.

Rabbi Wilson, when pondering the behavior exhibited in New Orleans during the recent catastrophe, referenced Thomas Hobbes' quote that "man is a beast to his fellow man." He begs for us to disprove Hobbes' theory that man is inherently evil. Paraphrasing what I consider to be the article's most valuable paragraph won't do it justice. Instead, I quote:

. . . upbringing will matter more than any other factor, but it won't simply be at momma's breast. It will be comprehensive. It will include the kind of neighborhood, even block, about which Dr. Martic Luther King spoke, where every mother was understood to be the guarantor, disciplinarian and tattle-tale of every other mother's son and daughter. It will include schools that are not afraid of teaching values, despite the canards warning of a cabal of secular humanism. It will include churches and synagogues that preach as core doctrine that heaven derives from good deeds.

. . . (can) taking potshots at firefighters and cops one day become just an ugly memory, because we have finally figured out ways to nurture our kids and not tolerate even the first time they act like a little beast?

I couldn't agree more.

We must teach our children to behave themselves. We must train them to care about mankind. We humans must shoulder the blame for neglecting to rear our children with values, morals, and compassion for one another. In other words, we need to pass on from generation to generation what is right and what is wrong. Regardless of one's situation in life, what is lawful and decent remains the same, as does what is evil and unacceptable. No disaster justifies otherwise.

Furthermore, it is not exclusively up to the schools to teach values to our children. It is up to those of us who claim them on our tax deductions! It is our responsibility to show them, to give them good role models, and to made darn sure they know the difference between Reality and reality TV shows and video games! It is up to us to be sure they do not become desensitized to suffering and inhumanity. Those things should never be acceptable.

Yes, we must fight for survival. Yes, we may even have to make tough decisions to save ourselves and our families. But rape? stealing big screen TV's? I don't think so.

Another thing we must teach our children is to take responsibility for themselves. They should never come to expect that life (or the government) owes them anything. While abiding by the laws of decency, we must take care of ourselves - as well as the weaker among us or those who do not have a voice.

Charlize Theron must have an amazing mother. In her interview with Sara Davidson, she mentions many things that she's learned from Gerda Theron, not the least of which is the necessity to stand up for oneself and take responsibility for your own actions. She says her mom's philosophy was, "If you get yourself in trouble, you've got to get yourself out of trouble." She says she was also "raised with the idea that you can feel sorry for yourself, but then, get over it, because it doesn't get you anywhere."

Currently, Ms. Theron is developing a show about a women's correctional facility. Her take on girls getting involved in physical violence these days is quoted as follows:

It's not rap. It's not violence in movies. At the end of the day, the problem is what's not happening in the homes of these families. Mothers aren't raising their children to know what's wrong and right.

Exactly.

Bush Bashing is Flawed

You know, I'm tired of the Bush bashing that is the media's favorite pasttime. All CNN does is show the devastation that is now New Orleans along with a running commentary about how it is all the fault of the Bush administration. This is just not accurate.

My heart goes out to the citizens of Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama. Oh my gosh, the catastrophe and heartbreak is unbelievable. But it is not because of George Bush! Why must there always be blame associated with suffering? Why do we (thanks to the media) insist upon pointing the finger at somebody when things go wrong? Why not just roll up our sleeves and try to make things better? and that includes trying to improve everyone's morale.

Ben Stein says it so well:

A Few Truths
By: Ben Stein
Published 9/2/2005

A few truths, for those who care to know the truth:

1.) The hurricane that hit New Orleans and Mississippi and Alabama was an astonishing tragedy. The suffering and loss of life and peace of mind of the residents of those areas is acutely horrifying.

2.) George Bush did not cause the hurricane. Hurricanes have been happening for as long as we can trace back. George Bush did not create them or unleash this one.

3.) George Bush did not make this one worse than others. There were far worse hurricanes than this one before George Bush was even born.

4.) There is no overwhelming evidence that global warming exists as a man-made phenomenon. There is no clear-cut evidence that global warming even exists. There is no clear evidence that, if it does exist, it makes hurricanes more powerful or makes them aim at cities with large numbers of poor people. If global warming is a real phenomenon, which it may be, it started long before George Bush was inaugurated, and would not have been affected at all by the Kyoto treaty, considering that Kyoto does not cover the world's worst polluters -- China, India, and Brazil. In a word, George Bush had zero to do with causing this hurricane. To think otherwise is just plain ridiculous.

6.) George Bush had nothing to do with the hurricane contingency plans for New Orleans. Those are drawn up by New Orleans and Louisiana. In any event, the plans were perfectly good; mandatory evacuation. It is in no way at all George Bush's fault that about 20 percent of New Orleans' residences neglected to pay heed to the plan. It is not his fault that many persons in New Orleans were too confused or ignorant to understand how dangerous the hurricane was going to be. They were certainly warned. It's not George Bush's fault that there were sick people. old people, and people without cars in New Orleans. Being president does not include the responsibility to make sure that every adult in America is in good health, has good sense, and has a car.

7.) George Bush was not responsible for gangsters shooting at rescue helicopters while they were trying to rescue people from rooftops. Nor is he responsible for the gang bangers raping young girls in the Superdome, nor for the looters who stole everything they could get their hands on; TV sets, clothes, jewelry, weapons, etc. It was these people, not George W. Bush, who helped turn New Orleans into a living hell.

8.) George Bush is not a racist either in mind or soul. This should be apparent (to anyone not totally biased against him) from the appointments he had made in his administration, over and over. To claim that he is a racist is just plain idiocy.

9.) George Bush is doing all he or anyone else could do to rush federal aid to New Orleans, Mississippi, and Alabama. He is not a magician. It takes time to organize and mobilize the needed troops, convoys of food and water, medical supplies, and doctors. Now they are there and more is arriving, and considering the vastness of the tragedy and the lawlessness of the city it's a miracle of bravery and organization that they are there and able to do the job of rescuing survivors and helping those in need.

10.) There is not the slightest evidence at all that the war in Iraq has diminished the response of the government to the emergency. To say otherwise only shows a bias against the president and the desire to put him down.

11.) If the energy that the left wing, liberal news media is putting into blaming Bush for an Act of God -- worsened by the stupendous incompetence of Louisiana's state officials and New Orleans' city authorities, and the malevolence of the criminals of the city -- was directed toward helping the morale of the nation, the nation would all be a lot better off.

12.) New Orleans is a great city with many good people. It will recover and be greater than ever, but sticking pins into an effigy of George W. Bush, an effigy that does not resemble him in the slightest, will not speed the process of that by one day.

God bless all of the people who are suffering so much from this tragedy, and God bless those who are helping them, starting with George W. Bush.

Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer who lives in Beverly Hills and Malibu, California. He also writes "Ben Stein's Diary" in every issue of The American Spectator.

My Response to Your Comment

A reader left a very thought-provoking comment on a previous blog I wrote about the Power of Prayer. I've spent a long time trying to formulate what my response would be. Even now, I'm not sure I can put my thoughts into concrete words.

First of all, let me say that even though we prayed for hurricane Dennis to change its course so that Mobile Bay would suffer less, we certainly didn't intend for the destruction to be dealt to other people and areas. And it isn't for us to decide who should be spared and who should suffer. It was presumptuous of me to imply that our prayers saved Mobile Bay during hurricane Dennis.

Furthermore, one does wonder what happened to all the prayers of the victims of Hurricane Katrina. I wish I had a satisfactory answer.

I am no theologian; no Biblical scholar; no member of the ministry. All I have is my faith in God to put the words in my brain and let my fingers type them out. I have no other agenda than to try to explain what I feel in my heart.

As mentioned in my last post, I believe God put us in this life to prepare us for the next life. I agree with the idea that He "is more interested in [our] character than our comfort." He never promised that we would be happy or healthy or safe. All He promised was eternal life to those who follow Him. Our life here on earth is but a tic on the timeline. There will be better times ahead for those who remain faithful.

It is through prayer that we keep our faith alive. By talking and listening to God, we can get a better idea of where He wants us to go. Prayer gives us hope. It reminds us that, no matter how much we may suffer in this life, heaven awaits us with eternal peace.

Being devoted to God and striving to be more like him leads us to do the things He would have us do. Yes, we will be challenged. Yes, we will face huge obstacles. We may even die before we thought we would. But if we believe in God, we'll be arriving in a much better place when we leave this one. We get only one guarantee when we're born: that is that we're going to die. Furthermore, it isn't up to us to decide when that will happen. It is up to us to make the most of the time we have here.

Why, we ask, does God let bad things happen?

I'd have to say that God is not a puppetmaster, nor are we His puppets. He gave us brains and resources. We can use them to His glory or we can misuse the resources and wind up causing all sorts of problems for ourselves. We can succumb to the devil's tools, power and greed, and also cause hardship and destruction for ourselves and other innocent people. We make choices. If our faith is strong, we at least try to make God-like choices.

God's own son suffered. Who are we to think we should be exempt from suffering?

The victims of hurricane Katrina are suffering terribly. Moreso than many of us will ever have to endure. Why them? Why the tsunami victims in Asia? Why the Jewish people during the holocaust? I have no answer for that. I also believe there are answers we aren't meant to know. Knowledge that we simply are not equipped to handle. But as their brothers and sisters, it is up to us to reach out to them and try to ease their suffering. It is up to us to pray for them. To pray that they can remain faithful so that they will be comforted in those eternal streets of gold when it is their time.

Human Doings

My cousin, Kay, sent this to me not long ago. It is worth reprinting here, in its entirety, with no further comment. Read it and learn:

In an interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren said:

People ask me, 'What is the purpose of life?' And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity.

We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body -- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act, the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.

Life is a series of problems: either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.

We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ's likeness.

This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys. You go through a dark time, then you got to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.

No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

You can focus on your purposes, or --- you can focus on your problems.

If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is 'my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people. You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.

Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before.

I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do: Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.

Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.

Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan - to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.

Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back.

It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, 'God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better.'

God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.

That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Migraine Headaches

Mirgraine sufferers may spend a lifetime trying to figure out how NOT to have another headache. If you've ever experienced one of these painful events, you no doubt understand what I mean. Yesterday I accompanied my daughter to her doctor for a recheck after being treated for migraines. This guy really knows his stuff about migraine headaches - probably because he, too, suffers from them. I thought I'd share what I learned.

Family history is one of the first things a physician may choose to explore with a patient suffering from severe headaches. Unfortunately, migraines are hereditary. If there is no family history, then it becomes likely that further testing should be done, i.e. CAT scans or MRI's to rule out blood clots or other problems with the brain or optic nerve, etc. Even though such tests may still be performed for complaints of severe headaches, it's a good bet that the sufferer inherited the malaise if it is indeed a migraine.

A migraine can be triggered by different stimuli. This is what many of us spend years trying to determine. Some common triggers are: wine or alcohol, certain foods or preservatives, hormonal changes in the body, changes in barometric pressure, smoke, dry air, or certain odors. Personally, I can almost predict when rain is imminent. As mentioned in a previous blog, I am most often the designated driver. I can only spend a short amount of time in a highly perfumed environment (like a candle shop). Smoke - whether from a fireplace or a cigarette - will send me scurrying out of the room. My headaches began when I first took birth control pills. I turn on humidifiers as soon as I turn on the heat in winter time.

So what do you do when you're in the grips of the most excruciating pain imaginable? pain that curls you into the fetal position, causes you to wear sunglasses even at night, keeps you scurrying to the bathroom, and sends you home from work.

There are prescription medications called Triptans that are on the market now. If taken at the first indication of a migraine, they will work their magic on the nerves in the brain to keep the headache from occurring. Different triptans work better for different people. I take Zomig; my daughter takes Imitrex or Relpax. The trick is to take them at the initial onset of the pain. Give it a couple of hours, and you should be back up to snuff, mostly pain-free.

If, however, you find that you're needing these medications more than, say, 4 times a month, you should talk to your physician about a medication to be taken daily on a regular basis. What happens is this: you feel the onset of a headache on day 1, so you take a triptan. The headache goes away. Day 3, you feel another headache coming on, so you take another triptan; headache goes away. Ditto for day 5. At this point, you can be assured that there will be another headache on Day 7 and Day 9 and so on. These latter headaches are called Rebound Headaches and are actually being caused by the repeated use of the medication. What I learned from this physician is that your best bet is to NOT take the triptan on Day 5. You may suffer one day, but you won't continue to have headaches on days following.

Sometimes a migraine occurs in spite of the triptan, or if you don't take the medication early enough. These are called Breakthrough headaches. There is an Imitrex epi-pen available for severe migraines in cases like this. (I've gotta get me one of these.) Another thing to do is get an injection of Phenargan to knock you out. The serotonin released when we sleep helps combat migraines. Chances are, when you do wake up, you'll be headache-free. I have to report here, however, that my headaches occur even when I am asleep. They will awaken me throughout the night. No doubt there is a medical response to this, but I don't know what it is. Also, my headaches tend to last two to three days. At times I beg for someone to just shoot me.

Another, less conventional, headache relief that I've discovered comes from my chiropractor. Now, my daughter's physician does not believe that this kind of treatment works; she asked him. (I kept my mouth shut; I was merely a visitor - not his patient). But my chiropractor can adjust my neck and manipulate my cranium, thus relieving pressure on nerves and vessels, and allowing the "juices" therein to flow more freely. I gotta tell you, more often than not, it works. He also advises me to put ice at the base of my skull and over my eyes. That feels good, too. I'm a believer; it's definitely helped my migraines.

Can migraines ever be cured? It doesn't sound like it. Will they ever diminish? My daughter's doctor suggested that it's possible that they may change after a woman gives birth - either for the better or for the worse. I think that, as time goes by, we learn to manage our headaches better, and that may seem to make them diminish. Unfortunately, I also believe I'll be plagued with migraines for as long as I live. I wish someone would tell me this theory is wrong.

Let me emphasize here that I am certainly NOT a medical professional. What I've written is only what I've heard from doctors, or what I've discovered for myself. Certainly if someone is having a severe headache, they should have it checked out by their own physician. There are plenty of methods by which to determine if it is a migraine or something much more serious.

I'm also interested in what fellow migraine sufferes may have discovered. Feel free to share in the comments section for me and for other readers to learn.

The Power of Prayer

As hurricane Dennis fast approached the Gulf Coast on Sunday, July 10, our relatives' home on Mobile Bay was in line for a direct hit. They hadn't even completed all the repairs from damages caused by last year's Ivan. If Dennis would only turn a little bit more to the east, the potential problems would be significantly less.

My sister-in-law phoned my mother-in-law moments before she left for Sunday School.

"Please pray for us," she asked, "and have your Sunday School class pray for us, too. Pray that this hurricane turns away from us."

They did. and it did. and this is no surprise to any of us.

We've always claimed that my mother-in-law has a direct connection. She is faithful in her prayers. We're certain that this is why our own lives have been so blessed. She prays while my better half is in the air, flying on business trips or in the midst of an important presentation. She prays for our son to be successful in his college courses. She prays for her friends who are suffering. My better half swears that she prays for all the rain we've been having in order to keep him from riding his Harley, of which she doesn't approve.

My friend, Lucille, has connections, too. She has her rosaries and her special prayers, and she, too, prays for us. Her faith is strong. It sees her through every day. We are blessed because of Lucille's prayers as well. Although I doubt Lucille has been praying for rain.

Maybe this is why I can be so laid back. I have these powerful prayers being lifted up on our behalf, and I know that we are being watched over by some wonderful angels. These prayers, combined with my own simple ones, remove my own burdens to the shoulders of One who is much better equipped to deal with them.

I talk to God as though He is sitting right beside me at the kitchen table. We have wonderful conversations. Once I've poured out my thoughts and concerns, I shut out the rest of the world and just try to listen. Sometimes I hear him; sometimes I don't. But I am, nevertheless, more peaceful. I believe with all my heart that God will tell me sooner or later what I need to know. Even if it isn't the answer I hope to hear, He will tell it like it is. And then, sometimes, there are simply things I don't need to know. I accept that, too.

Our country needs our prayers. This world needs our prayers. Lucille and my mother-in-law can't handle it for all of us. We all need to pray from our hearts.

Satan is alive and very well in this world today, and he is actively trying to shatter our faith with the evil things he is encouraging people to do. Only through faith and prayer will we overcome his influence. He is more powerful than our guns, bombs, government, plans, or defenses. He works through greed, power, money, lust, and selfishness. Look around you - his influence is everywhere. But he can't be successful against a prayerful, faithful society.

Personally, we have some friends who need your prayers today. There are some whose marriage has fallen apart, and who are now dealing with starting over at mid-life. There are those whose marriage is crumbling and who have lost their love for one another. There are those who may face days of suffering ahead as they come to terms with very difficult decisions to be made. Please pray for these friends of mine. With your help, and with Lucille's and my mother-in-law's, I pray that these friends will find peace and guidance.

Prayer is powerful. If it can change the course of an impending Catagory 3 hurricane, don't you agree that it can calm the turbulence of our own lives?

Bathing Birds

Sometimes the only way to beat the heat is with a good soaking!

Summer Backyard Birds

My backyard bird posts usually generate a lot of interest, so here are some pictures of the birds frequenting my feeders this summer. Many are return visitors - like the woodpeckers, the towhees, and the cardinals. Others have new plumage - like the goldfinches. Still others are seasonal travelers - like the Indigo bunting and the hummingbirds.

The heat is affecting the birds, too. They tend to remain still and in the shade during the hottest parts of the day, so capturing them with a camera is tough due to the low light in the late afternoons. Also, the frequency of feeder visits is lower these days because they're nesting. But I have a few good photos to share. So enjoy!


A hairy woodpecker enjoys peanut nuggets.











A good shot of why this gal's called a 'red-bellied' woodpecker. You can tell she is a female because her red headpiece doesn't come all the way to her forehead.













An indigo bunting made a rare appearance for only one day.











The birds love to splash and bathe in our birdbaths.
This is a towhee.










and here he is, lounging in the tub.












The female of a pair of ruby throated hummingbirds living in our yard.









The male would have a bright red throat where hers is white.










Mr. and Mrs. Goldfinch out for a drink at the local pub.










Don't you wonder what that cardinal might be thinking?










Can you see the tiny yellow beak?
It's a baby Carolina Wren whose parents built a nest in one of my hanging fuschia plants.

My Favorite Things

Stop the treadmill for a few minutes and think about things that make you feel good. Here are some of mine:

Watching the male cardinal place a morsel of food in the female's beak during mating season.

Rocking a sleeping child in my arms.

Seeing my better half get really tickled at something.

Smelling the gardenias or tea olive blossoms from my back deck.

Watching and feeling the approach of a thunderstorm on a summer afternoon.

-Then taking a nap while it rains.

Seeing my children laugh together.

Giving a 'winner' of a Christmas gift.

Having all my pets asleep in my lap.

My mother-in-law's fried okra.

Getting a package in the mail.

Reading the Sunday paper.

Wedding music.

Key lime pie.

Fresh peaches.

The baby-like call of the goldfinch.

Winning an auction on Ebay.

Any Toby Keith song.

Having all of my family at my house at Thanksgiving.

Kittens and puppies.

Getting a new Madame Alexander doll.

The smell of fresh baked cookies.

Cornbread & buttermilk.

Autumn trees in all their brilliance.

The quiet of falling snow.

Hummingbirds.

The Christmas song, "O Holy Night."

Sitting on the front porch after supper with my better half, watching the world go by.

When someone leaves a comment on my blog.

Remembering someone's name from long ago.

Dancing to beach music.

Laughter.

Sleeping late.

Coffee in the morning.

Reconnecting with an old friend.

A clean car.

I guess this is enough for now. There are many more. What makes you feel good?

In Praise of Pets

Now I ask you: does this photo not make you smile? Can't you imagine how good this must feel - a sunny day, freshly mowed grass, some ancient nasty smell that demands to be rolled on? Indeed, life is good. When I die, I want to come back as one of my pets.

We have four babies: two dogs and two cats. We love animals. All animals.


I firmly believe that, if one is going to have a pet, one must go to great lengths to care for and spoil it. Nothing makes me angrier than to see a neglected pet. I have to be careful here lest I go on a tirade about the subject. Dogs should NOT be chained up all day and night without attention and companionship. It makes them territorial and increases the risk of their becoming vicious and harmful. All young children should be supervised when handling pets - little people don't realize when they might be hurting the animal. Caged animals need attention as well. How would you like to spend your life alone, in a small defined space, with no interaction? If you aren't going to be attentive to your pet - DON'T HAVE ONE!

No animal deserves to be teased or abused. People who do so should be locked up and treated in a like manner. Ditto for the heartless idiots who use dogs and birds for fighting. Don't even get me started.

Anyway, I thought you might be interested in seeing some of my favorite pet photos:

These are Belle and QE, our old lady cats. Belle was born 12 years ago to a wild mother cat who lived behind the liquor store. The owners rescued the litter, and my husband brought her home to me when my beloved 17 yr. old cat had to be put to sleep.

QE adopted us. She showed up, pregnant, one day when our neighborhood was under construction. No one claimed her. We thought we'd found a home for her with our neighbors. QE had a different idea, however, and proceeded to birth her babies underneath our house. She's been our baby ever since. We think she's about 13 years old now. She pretty much rules our roost.

These are Scooter, our Coonbeagle, and Bailey, our Border Collie/Pekingese mix. We got Scooter from 'the first trailer on the left down the second dirt road off the highway' in Foley, AL about 5 years ago. He was bred to hunt, but there ain't no shooting in him. He retreats under the table whenever he hears fireworks or thunder.

Our college student daughter decided that she, too, needed a puppy when we brought Scooter home. It only took a couple of months, however, before she realized that an apartment was no place for a puppy who needed housebreaking. Nor was it easy for a student with classes all through the day to be consistently available to potty train a pup. We were asked to "baby sit" while she searched for a home. Of course the two puppies bonded (and so did I). My better half PUT HIS FOOT DOWN and adamantly refused to have a 4th animal in our house. Five years later, our daughter still hasn't found a home for Bailey. And we're now a big happy family of four beloved pets.

Chipmunks are Scooties' nemises. He goes to great lengths to dig them up when they retreat into their tunnels. Guess he doesn't realize that they're watching him from another entrance as he digs to China. Note that Bailey lets him do all the work.






QE is regally sitting atop my sports car. She is our lap cat. She actually follows me around the house, waiting for me to sit down. As I type my blogs, I often have to dust off the cat hair from the keyboard! Not that it matters to Q!



Baby Belle is our upstairs cat and our bedfellow. She's never taken to the dogs, as has QE, so she stays in our bedroom most of the time. While the pups sleep downstairs in the den, and QE sleeps wherever she wants, Baby Belle has staked her claim in our bed. She snuggles up to my better half while he reads before turning out the light. Then she nests next to my legs. Sometimes she waits on the balcony for the 11:00 news to end, so she can come downstairs for her nightly 'treat' before bedtime. If we're taking too long, we'll hear a 'meow' from above.

With the energy and intelligence of the Border Collie, Bay is our diligent 'squirrel dog.' The rodents in our yard know that, when they climb the birdfeeder pole, a little black Tasmanian Devil will soon bolt out of the back door to rectify the situation. Pictured here with her summer haircut, Bay is her mama's baby. What you can't see clearly is the Pekingese underbite that makes her look even cuter!


Scootie is our mellow fellow. He definitely defers to our Alpha Male, aka: my better half. They have long conversations whenever Dad comes home from work or travel. In fact, the only thing that really gets Scoot Man into trouble is his nose. Tasty smells get the best of his better judgment. Many a contractor has had his breakfast stolen from the cab of his truck while it was parked in our driveway. A renegade coonbeagle jumped in, stole the McDonald's bag, and was off before anyone could say "sausage biscuit."

We do love our animals. They are so much a part of our daily routine. No matter how stressful life may get, the unconditional love offered by these four-legged creatures can lift our spirits every time. How on earth can anyone not appreciate all that a pet has to offer? God's love is infused in the spirits of the animals. We only need to pay attention to reap its benefits.

Family Secrets

I am about to reveal an idiosyncracy about our family that our children would probably prefer remain obscure. Whenever it occurs, they roll their eyes and groan. Even to this day, as adults, they tend to take it as a confirmation of our diminishing neurological capabilities. Yet - I'll wager that, once they have their own kids, they will behave similarly. They won't be able to help themselves. It's ingrained in their genes.

This is it:

We wave at livestock.
We often verbally greet them as well. And we honk the horn.

I'm sure no one else does this. It's unique to our family. As we approach a herd of cows, we feel we must address them. Can't help it. We are known among the bovine community as "the friendly family." Sometimes we even wave to goats, sheep, or emu. It's hard to catch the eye of a chicken though; they usually miss our greetings.

I make public our oddity to illustrate a point: it is stories and traditions such as this that bond a family.

Animals play a big role in our bonding.

We often claim the strangest-looking beast that we see in a photo, on TV, or in a field is actually named after one or the other of us. For years, I would hide a wallet photo of a gorilla in my better half's suitcase whenever he travelled. As he discovered it between his t-shirts, he could hear me saying, "Here's you!" Then I'd find it in some obscure place after he returned, and I could hear him say the same thing. It would make us smile every time. A teasing testiment to our devotion.

One of our favorite stories to tell involves our son at the Washington Zoo. After discussing how monkeys felt threatened by stares, he of course had to test the theory. How hilarious when the monkey lunged at him through the glass enclosure! The normally unflappable little guy was definitely flapped!

Then there's the time our very young, always compassionate, daughter hoped to restore a very squashed, dried frog back to life by sprinkling some water on it.

We have many -isms that define our family as well. These are the cute variations of speech that our children used when they were little. Things like: "natgume" for napkin, or "app-dushe" for apple juice. An -ism can also be a catch phrase that only our family would understand: like "Shampoo Man" or "I'm not a human being; YOU'RE a human being!" or "it wouldn't let me jump!" (See? you have no idea what I'm talking about, but my kids are no doubt rolling their eyes again.)(I hope they don't get stuck in that position!)

We even have carry-overs from my own childhood. My brother and I tell the story about how we painted my bedroom 'screaming green' one weekend while our parents were out of town. From then on, my dad would just close the door rather than look at it. He also tells how I tortured him by crawling under his bed when he got up to tell our Mom about his nightmare. When he returned, of course, I grabbed his feet and got him upset all over again. I confess, I laugh to this day at the cruel prank.

My dad created many of the -isms that my brother and I remember. We would insist that he show us the undisturbed jar of jam or peanut butter before he dug into it. We'd say, "See it smooth!" Even now, at age 81, he takes great delight when we make that request.

There are many such instances that only our family can appreciate. Such things extend to various kinfolk and close friends. Stories are told by the grandparents that our children will always remember. Gentle teasing is our way of reminding each other that we're cherished. Laughter unites us.

Such are the very threads that weave the fabric of who we are and whom we love. We are creating a priceless quilt.

What fabric makes up your coverlet?

Gone Country - Bring On the Rain

We went to the CMA Fest in Nashville last weekend. For us, it was a weekend full of new experiences: 1) we've never been to Nashville; 2) we've never been die-hard country music fans. Considering #2, you might ask, why on earth would we go to the CMA Fest? Well, we might reply, because it was there.

For the uninformed, the CMA Fest (Country Music Association-Fest), is held annually in Nashville to offer country music fans four days and nights to rub elbows with their favorite artists, hear multiple concerts, and to raise money for charity. The city hosts an influx of fans from across the country, most of whom are clad in brand new, ready-to-be-autographed cowboy hats, Sharpies in hand, cameras at the ready.

During the day, there are performances by up-and-comers, one-hit-wonders, and used-ta-be-big-names at the tents along the riverfront. At night in the Tennessee Titans' Coliseum, the reigning stars play 4-6 song sets of their most crowd-pleasing hits. Then there are the saloons and pubs all along music row that offer after-hours acts. In all, Nashville becomes four days of non-stop music and festivities.

At certain hours during the day in the exhibit hall, artists will show up to sign autographs and pose for pictures with adoring fans. We didn't venture in there; my better half is NOT a line-stander, and we had other things we wanted to see on our maiden trip to Nashville. I imagine, though, that it was a packed venue, judging from the number of people who knew every word to most every song being sung.

All this in the rain, mind you.

We drove out to the Opryland Hotel and the new Opryland performance house. My oh my, what a resort! We will stay there on our next visit. One would really never have to leave the grounds for one's entire trip. It's rather like one of the Las Vegas mega-resorts minus the casinos. Dining, shopping, shows, and gardens all under one roof.

Now picture this: a couple of citified new-comers, sporting brand new $5.00 ponchos that cost $1.98 in the store next door, huddled in our end-zone seats with the concert stage in the opposite end-zone (thank goodness for big screens). Tropical Storm Arlene is making her way north through Alabama, her bands of steady rain creeping into this very coliseum. One after one, country stars demonstrate their talents, converting us to their Americana brand of music. And there we stay. Enjoying the likes of Alan Jackson, JoDee Messina, Craig Morgan, Joe Nichols, SheDaisy, Trace Adkins, Josh Gracin, Trisha Yearwood, and more. Wow.

No, we didn't make it to the end of the concert on either night, and we missed some really good performances. Our daughter tells us we missed some of the best: Rascal Flatts, Blake Shelton, Sara Evans, Kenny Rogers, Wynonna. As it was, when we stood up to leave, all the accumulated rain on our ponchos cascaded down onto our britches, and we were more soaked than we ever wanted to be. We slogged back aboard the shuttle bus to return to the hotel, whereupon we squished through the lobby to our room.

Drenched though we were, we returned as Country Music converts. Proud to be among the CMA Fest attendees. Proud to know the names and the songs (and some of the words) of today's CMA artists. Proud owners of freshly downloaded and burned country music CDs. In agreement with Trace Adkins when he says they're "Songs About Me."

But no, we don't have cowboy hats. Yet.

Collections

I collect stuff. As I formulated this post in my head, I realized that I collect a lot of stuff. It gives me great pleasure to find it, attain it, organize it, catalog it, and display it. Then I get satisfaction just looking at it over and over again. I imagine a psychologist would have a heyday with this obsession of mine.

Currently, my attention is on my collection of Madame Alexander dolls which began when I was a young girl. My parents gave me an exquisite 21" Queen Elizabeth doll and then an 8" Little Women Meg doll, both which I still have in nearly mint condition. Since then I've added over 40 dolls, mostly from the International and Storyland lines.

I can remember in the early 80's when it was rumored that Madame was at death's door, and that perhaps there would be no more dolls. Whenever a local store advertised the sale of dolls, people were waiting at the door well before opening time. Among them were my friend, Beth, and I, both very pregnant, joining in the "feeding frenzy" of collectors as soon as the doors opened. Were we crazy or what? and the dolls weren't even of the highest standards for which the company was known before and since then.

The dolls manufactured today wear beautifully designed clothes, even if there aren't the delicate intricacies of the 60's and 70's. It was during the 80's (and my pregnant frenzies) that I feel the clothing was sub-par. No matter. I had to have those little dolls all the same. Even now, I hope my birthday and Christmas boxes contain at least one Madame Alexander doll.

In my quest to complete the collections of my desire, EBay has become my very best friend. It enabled me to find all my Lenox porcelain Pencil Snowmen at below retail price. I only lack one, so far: Winter's Salute, and I look forward to seeing what they'll design next for the series.

When my Pfaltzgraff dinner pattern was discontinued, I was distressed. Thanks once again to EBay, I've found more pieces than ever. I now proudly possess 12 place settings of Garden Party as well as numerous serving and accessory pieces. The Pfaltzgraff Company caters to people like me who simply must have extra pieces and doo-dahs to go with my setting. Their mommas didn't raise no dummies.

I also collect things like fonts, computer sounds, and desktop themes. Since I do a lot of desktop publishing, I like to have many choices. Then there's genealogy information on my and my husband's families. And I have a photo album for every year since we were married. (That's a LOT of photo albums! Ours are well-documented lives!)

There is my music collection. For awhile it was beach music. If I do say so myself, thanks to Napster, my friend, Alice, and WalMart.com, I believe I now have one of the most complete sets of Beach Music found in the Southeast - 9 CDs of no-repeat Beach music for your shagging pleasure. (for you international readers, "shagging" is a type of DANCE done in the South.) If I hadn't acquired a few of the songs before the big crackdown on P2P file sharing, I could make a lot of money should I choose to sell my CDs. Only I couldn't spend much of it in jail.

Before the invention of the CD, I collected music on cassette tapes - one each for my favorite songs of every year from 1976. Of course now, I burn my favorite songs to CDs, and I've stopped limiting my playlist to certain years.

Then there's my collection of Disney DVDs. I claim to be collecting them for my future grandchildren. Fact is, I prefer Disney animated stories to most anything else at the movies (except maybe Harry Potter). Now that some of the titles are retired, EBay has once again proved invaluable.

I have a collection of Lenox porcelain Garden Birds that I started years ago. I suppose one could say that I still collect birds, only now I collect them in photographs that I take in my backyard. (See previous posts).

Chrismas provides endless opportunities for me to expand my collecting mania to my friends and family. We began giving our children an ornament each Christmas as soon as they were born. Our daughter has the entire collection of Hallmark Victorian Houses of which she's very proud. I can remember our son opening his Christmas ornament when he was younger and saying, "Oh, it's just another old ornament." He'll be proud of his collection, though, one day. We have even begun collections of ornaments for our nieces and nephew.

Hey - Jay Leno collects automobiles; John Travolta collects airplanes; Imelda collected shoes; Elizabeth Taylor collected jewelry. At least my collections are a little less extravagant (although I could definitely enjoy collecting jewelry!)

Am I obsessed? maybe. Compulsive? possibly. Having fun? most definitely!

and if you have a Madame Alexander doll you might want to sell . . . .

No Regrets

Sometimes it takes a painful loss to serve as an important reminder to live life each day as if it's our last.

We attended a funeral this past weekend. There were tears of relief for the end of her suffering, tears of grief for the loss of one so loved, and tears of regret for things not said or not done while she was still alive. It is those tears of regret that will haunt us for the rest of our lives, and that could've been so avoided.

Bottom line: we are indeed a selfish lot.

We judge other people and deem them inferior because they are different than we are. We keep tallies of who gets what and who said something that we didn't like. We elect to discontinue a relationship because of misunderstandings.

These days families are spread out across the world. Yet we procrastinate keeping in touch because our own life is so busy. We get so wrapped up in what we do and what we want that we neglect the needs of others. We fool ourselves into believing that we have plenty of time to "do it later."

Then it's too late.

How often do we take our loved ones for granted? The very people we need the most are the same ones we treat the most off-handedly. Why? Because we know they'll love us unconditionally. They'll always be there. or so we think.

What makes it okay to snap at someone we love because we've had a bad day at work or because we didn't get enough sleep the night before? How often do we fail to remember things that are important to our spouses, parents, or children because we're so focused on what's important to ourselves? What makes us attentive to our acquaintances and colleagues yet oblivious to the needs of our family members? Why would we hurt someone we've vowed to "love, honor, and cherish for the rest of our lives?"

To take it a step further, why would we let anger fester and overtake our relationship with someone we love? We find fault; we nitpick; we judge; we demand; we withhold affection; we are inconsiderate; and for what? So that when they are gone, we can live with regret for the rest of our lives?

It is up to us to appreciate and cherish the people who make up our safety net every single day. We must tell them how much they mean to us, and then walk the talk. We must treat every day as if it were their or our last. Finding fault or being negative only causes regrets in the long run. Behaving with disrespect or dishonor will plant a cancer on our soul. Then, I say, we get what we deserve.

It takes so little effort to be kind. Often it is only habit that makes us selfish. Perhaps we just need to be more accepting and flexible. We definitely need to listen more and to pay more attention to what's going on around us.

We only have one life. One chance here on earth to get it right. One opportunity to learn from the many experiences we encounter. That includes the people we encounter as well. At any given moment, our sojourn here could come to an end. Why, then, do we fail to appreciate those whom we cherish while we have the chance?

Giving feels so much more rewarding than receiving.

I plan to do much better and hope to have no regrets.

What I Saw at the Suck, Bang, & Blow Last Weekend

You can just stow away those dirty minds right now.

The Suck, Bang, and Blow is a motorcycle bar named for the operations of the motorcycle engine. That said, what I saw leads me to believe that some folks pack their dirty minds in their saddlebags, take them out, and parade them all over the place at certain Bike Week venues.


you can see it all at the Suck, Bang, & Blow

One of our friends got married on the SC coast last weekend, and the wedding coincided with the beginning of Bike Week in Myrtle Beach. How fortunate for my Harley riding better half! He and a friend trailered their bikes, hoping for 30 minutes of riding time. Ordinarily they wouldn't consider attending a motorcycle event, but hey, since they were already going to be there . . .

At the above mentioned SB&B, riders can actually ride their bikes through the middle of the bar - something I thought to be a novel thing to do. In a fleeting moment of lost sanity, I said I wanted to ride through the middle of a bar. Before I knew it, I was on the back of the Harley, heading to Murrell's Inlet and the Suck, Bang, and Blow. Our friend convinced his spouse to go, too, and the other wedding attendees followed in their car.

There were bikes everywhere. Vendors had tents set up all around the SB&B and across the street. They sold everything from helmets, tee shirts, motorcycle parts, and food to decals, sunglasses, and beer (lots of beer).

In jeans and sleeveless knit shirts, we were the best dressed folks there.

Hundreds of motorcycles buzzed and sputtered on every road around Myrtle Beach. Their riders were adorned in doo-rags, graying beards and ponytails, tattoos of varying styles, leather vests or chaps, sunglasses, and sunburns. Some guys were shirtless (all the better to show off those tattoos and pecs!) Some folks wore helmets; most did not.

We decided that some of the tattoos were temporary, and some of those beards were begun a few weeks ago in anticipation of this week. Most likely, many of those scruffy riders return home to regular 9-5 jobs where their co-workers are none the wiser as to how they spent their summer vacation.

But it's the women who lent a touch of trash to the whole atmosphere. Some were attired in shorts so short they had to cause a rash. Some wore leather vests with nothing underneath. Others wore bathing suit tops, thong underwear, and chaps, exposing it all to anyone behind. Worse was the fact that some of those exposed bodies had no business exposing anything! Victoria's Secrets models they were not! Some women even pulled up their shirts for money!


SB&B patrons

I guess I'm just too old to understand why on earth a woman (of any age) would choose to display her chest or her derriere to the public, especially in a place where testosterone levels were so high. Granted, at the beach inhibitions tend to be lower, and bathing suits are skimpier than ever, but still. This was trashy, and there was no ocean at the SB&B.

Aside from that, I witnessed my first burn out. This is when a rider pulls his bike up to a wall and gives it all it's got, spinning the rear wheel and generating clouds of rubber smoke. The bigger the clouds, the greater the crowd approval. When a tire actually blows, the crowd expresses its appreciation by throwing money at the driver!

At first, I thought this was ludacrous. Then I talked to the guy who had just blown out his tire as he counted out a handful of bills to the vendor selling tires across the street (how convenient). His was on its last threads anyway, so he'd made sure the vendor had a tire to fit his bike before he did the burn out. He wound up paying only $95 for a $195 tire. Not so stupid after all.


A burn out

All this, and I never got to ride through the middle of the Suck, Bang, and Blow. With so many people, the event staff had closed off the ride-through.

The following day, my better half rode further up the coast to the Harley dealership where there were at least 20,000 motorcycles, . He regretted that I hadn't gone there with him because it was opposite from what I saw at the SB&B. It wasn't trashy. That's good to know. My spouse isn't like that; he just enjoys puttering around on his bike with his old men friends. Harley riders get a bad name from displays like that at the SB&B.

But I'm glad for the experience. It was a weekend of contrasts. First a lovely wedding set among the Spanish-moss laden trees in front of a coastal marsh, graced by the calls of the marsh hen and cranes. Then ride on the back of a Harley Davidson to the ambience of the Suck, Bang, and Blow. Life is good.

What I Learned in Texas Last Weekend

I visited Texas last weekend for the first time. We went to Houston for a wedding and stayed with friends who live in a small town about an hour outside the city. True to Texas hospitality, they made sure we had a good taste of what Texas is really like.

Some things I learned:

Texas has lovebugs. I haven't seen lovebugs since we lived in Florida.

Unlike Southeast BBQ, which is primarily pork, Texas BBQ is made from beef brisket that is cooked all day long with a basting of beer and lemon juice. Umm Umm good!

High-rent neighborhoods build elegant 4000+ square foot homes on well-manicured postage stamp sized lots.

BUT folks generally don't have 14 acre spreads - they have 1400 acre spreads.

There are some nice looking cowboys in Texas.

Oil rigs come in two parts. First the drilling rig. Then the pumping rig which is the one that looks like a dinosaur head. (They refer to them as "grasshoppers").

In the 80's, there was a cap placed on the price charged for oil pumped from existing wells, but not so on newly drilled wells. Guess what happened? The oilmen capped the existing wells and drilled new ones! Well, DUH!

Rodeos are exciting!

Rodeo events involving horses are rich men's sport. Horses cost $3000+ and need transporting, training, and boarding.

Dogs that resemble border collies are trained to nip the heels of a horse to keep it trotting in a circle on a lead. This exercises the horse while awaiting a rodeo event.

Bronco riders begin as early as two years old, starting out by riding pigs.

There is a difference between a bull and a steer. The bull has all his reproductive parts; the steer does not. Bulls are bigger.

What makes a bull buck has a lot to do with the rope that is pulled very snugly around his reproductive parts. This tends to make them very mad. That plus the zap they're given by a little hand-held zapper.
a very mad bull. 

Bull riding gives new meaning to the phrase "Mama Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys."

Rodeo Clowns are often retired bull riders. They are very brave cowboys.

There are summer cowboy hats and winter cowboy hats. Any Texan worth his salt owns at least one of each.

If you want folks to get up and dance at a wedding reception in Texas, play "Cotton Eyed Joe."

They don't play Beach Music at Texas wedding receptions.

"Texas may be considered part of the South because of its location, but Texas is really just Texas."

Bill Gates' Eleven Rules for HS Grads

My friend, Susan, sent me this. I think high school grads should be given an exam on it. It is so true.

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair . . get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping . . they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Idealism is good. Believing that you're owed something for nothing is not good. I'm afraid we're setting up people to really feel that way with all the loopholes in welfare and tax breaks for having more children than can already be afforded. I have a problem with people who expect to get a job because of their gender or race. What ever happened to the notion that the one who is best qualified gets the job? Why should we expect to be paid for having children? or for not having a job?

I also have a problem with criminals blaming their misdeeds on their poor upbringing. If they know it was poor, why didn't they make an effort to behave the opposite? It isn't the parents' fault. Placing the blame on someone or something other than the culprit is too acceptable these days. I say place the blame where it lays: on the one committing the crime. We are given choices. We need to take the consequences for the ones we choose.

Perhaps Mr. Gates' Eleven Rules should be inscribed on the backs of the high school diplomas this May!

Where Do We Draw the Line?

TRUE STORY
A man had about 5 DUI's. His attorney kept moving trial dates until he could get a "lenient" judge or one who was a personal friend. The accused never spent a night in jail, even though he had a severe drinking problem. His next-to-last accident left him crippled, yet he continued to drink and drive. His last drunken drive killed a man who had a wife and 3 daughters. His attorney still tried to get him out of jail, even though he acknowleged that his client should have his license taken away (as if that would really prevent the guy from driving drunk). The argument was that the care required for his client as a result of years of self-abuse would not be adequate; therefore, the man should not be imprisoned. Tell that to the dead man's wife and 3 kids.

My friend, Jeff, asks: If a lawyer represents a criminal, gets him out on some technicality, and then his client goes out and kills someone, should the lawyer be held accountable?

And how about the victims? Should they be allowed to sue the attorney who repeatedly wins the release of a known criminal?

Our constitution provides for us to have access to legal counsel, and attorneys are bound by oath to do what they must to serve their clients. But suppose the accused is truly a danger to society, and the attorney really knows this? Then what should he/she do? Where is the line drawn?

What do you think? I look forward to your comments.

"The Naked Roommate"

I just bought a great book for my college student, even though he's been there awhile already. It's called, "The Naked Roommate" by Harlan Cohen (Sourcebooks Inc., $14.95). It's loaded with legitimate tips for soon-to-be and already-are college kids. Cohen pretty much tells it like it is, and he backs up his tips with outrageous, hilarious stories. He addresses issues faced by kids these days, ie: "The Freshman 15 . . .or, umm, 45" and "The Credit Card and the $600 Candy Bar" and "Don't Be So Stupid That You Accidentally Kill Yourself" and "Pimps, Hos, and Reputations" and "I Got Dumped and No Longer Have a Relationship" and "Wine Tasting, Bowling, and Other Important Electives" and "Meet People Without Even Trying." You get the idea. It's an entertaining and informative book for kids and parents alike.

Here's what his website says about Cohen:

Harlan Cohen was born naked. He grew up clothed in the suburbs in Chicago until growing up and heading off to college. The youngest of three brothers, Harlan was the last to go to college. Harlan landed at the University of Wisconsin in Madison, Wisconsin. He expected it to be an easy transition -- he was wrong. He got dumped by his high school long distance girlfriend, he didn't get into the fraternity he had been rushing, and he didn't find his place in college. In high school he was a big man on campus -- in college he was lost.

(www.thenakedroommate.com/ "The naked author exposed")

Cohen's irreverant way of writing will appeal to the college-age crowd. He offers tips and comments on coping with college life, based on his own experience (he was a college freshman twice) and other student interviews and stories. A few more of the topics include:

• Roommates: My Lying, Stealing, Klepto Roommate; Noisy, Naughty, and Nasty Roommates; and The Ulitmate Roommate Rule
• Life inside the Classroom: To Go or Not to Go; Most Professors Don't Hate You; and How to Be More Than Just a Number
• Money/Laundry/Cheap Eats: Paying for College; Cheaper Books, and Bad Checks, Bad Credit, and Other Bad Ideas

Check out Harlan's websites: www.thenakedroommate.com and www.helpmeharlan.com He has also recorded a CD that includes songs about college life, such as "My Roommate Stu."

Interesting links from the WallStreet Journal college site include articles written by Harlan Cohen and others:

http://www.wsjclassroom.com/archive/02oct/COLG_OCT.htm

http://www.wsjclassroomedition.com/oncampus/index.html

http://www.wjsclassroomedition.com/college/index.html

As many kids head off to college, these links and Cohen's book should provide entertaining as well as helpful information to them and their parents. In fact I think I'll include a copy of the book along with the customary check for future graduation gifts.

College 101 Pre-Requisite Course

Okay, so your little high school angel has survived the ACT, the SAT, the applications, and the anxious wait. He's been accepted to college. He's coasting through second semester in high school, looking forward to graduation and maybe first week at the beach or some other wonderful "I'm an adult" trip. And he's acting like a little jerk.

What happened to this kid who actually treated you civilly? You managed to get along pretty well compared to other kids and parents. When did the body snatchers come and replace him with this alien? Be not afraid. This phenomenon is what I call "College 101 pre-requisite."

You know you worry about sending him off to college, away from the safety net of your home and influence. You know you'll miss him. You anticipate the tears as you drop him off at his dorm. You dread saying good-bye to him.

Believe it or not, he's worried about the same things. Add in excitement and anticipation. Then throw in anxiety over things like: will I fit in? will I be able to make the grades? will I get homesick? how will I take care of myself? what if I get sick? and you have a major conflict warring inside your kid. What you see, however, is the end result of this conflict - a flip attitude and defiant behavior.

God does this to make it easier on all of us. He allows this precious child to become obnoxious just prior to going off to college so that we CAN'T WAIT to see him go! Conversely, he allows the relationship with the parent to sour enough for the child so that he CAN'T WAIT to get away from us! Ergo, it's much easier to say "good-bye."

Once the dust settles, your little angel will polish off his halo and sprout new wings. Well, maybe. At least his horns will fall off. When he comes home that first time, you'll see a marked change. An almost adult-like change. Then he'll raid the refrigerator, ask for some money, hand you his dirty laundry, and you'll recognize your child once more.

Cork 'em in a Barrel til they turn 22

I love teenagers. I really do. Just as toddlers are like sponges, absorbing all there is to know about living and experiencing everything for the first time, so are teenagers. Then, however, they are soaking up all things about the adult world. Sometimes they sop up the nasty stuff; other times they retain what it takes to be responsible. The problem is, we parents never really know what is seeping into their Bounty at any given moment. They tend to wad themselves up and stash away whatever they're holding.

Beginning in middle school (and sometimes earlier), kids are terribly tough on each other as they establish the hierarchy that often carries over into high school. With their often skewed values, they judge each other with cruelty. Those who survive are put on pedestals and then shoulder the burden of maintaining that glory amidst jealousy and attempted coups. Those who don't survive, carry the burden of low self-esteem. It is a cruel world in middle and high schools, and it is during an especially crucial time of a child's life.

Teenagers tend to value the opinions of their peers rather than the tried-and-true wisdom of their parents. It is times like this that a non-parental adult can be worth their weight in gold. While it may hurt our feelings for our child to be confiding in someone else's Mom, so long as that mom shares our morals and values, we should probably be glad our kid is talking to SOMEONE older than 18!

At school,teachers, counselors, coaches, aides, custodians, school nurses, cafeteria workers, and office staff offer many opportunities for discussions with our teenagers. Kids will tell so much to someone who is merely willing to listen with a non-judgmental ear. Those of us in such positions have a tremendous responsibility to try to say the "right things." Then we have to advise without the lecture; sympathize or encourage in an appropriate way; keep the secret or act on serious information without damaging the trust. Definitely a heavy load, but well worth it when we consider the effects we may have.

Then you have the parents who are equally distraught because they don't know what's going on with their sometimes angry or non-communicative teen. When I worked in a high school, I had emotional parents phone me with cries of dismay at their kids' behavior. Sometimes misery just loves company. To learn that they were not alone in their anxiety over their children eased their mind, even if only a little.

And they were not alone. Oh no. As much as I love teenagers, my little angels put me through the ringer many times. It's different with your own kids, no matter how trained or knowledgeable you might be about adolescents. I will stop there - my little angels, now grown, read this blog. But the parents I spoke with were definitely glad to hear my woes alongside their woes.

The good news is: most of them do grow out of it. When I turned 18 and went to college, I apologized to my parents for being so incorrigible. (and I was). My mother relished in telling that story over and over. One of my angst-ridden teenagers is now my best friend (next to my husband). Another of my know-it-all teenagers is actually asking for advice on food prep!

If we could just stuff the little devils in a barrel when they turn 13 and leave 'em there till they turn 22, I daresay we'd have fewer wrinkles, fewer gray hairs, and fewer chest pains. But then, when our precious grandchildren turn 13 and put their parents (our darling urchins) through total HELL and back, we'd never get to laugh derisively and say, "Oh yes, there IS a God!"