The Sandwich Generation

Baby Boomers love labels, i.e.: "Baby Boomers."

OK, so now we "Baby Boomers" are a "Sandwich Generation."

Our children are nearly on their own, and we are almost "Empty Nesters." In some cases, however, our children have graduated from college and have returned home because a) they haven't found a job yet, or b) they have a job, but not enough money to support themselves, or c) they are awaiting upcoming nuptials and have no desire to finance a temporary home, or, heaven forbid, d) they like living with us and have no plans on moving out.

I'm reminded of the commercial in which the "Twenty-Something" fella lives at home along with grandma. In response to his frequent demands, his parents reply, "What do you think this is? a Holiday Inn?" and everybody, but him, bursts into wild laughter. My husband and I have often made that comment behind our son's back, only our laughter wasn't quite so raucous.

Now, in addition to still taking care of our children - adult and not-yet-adult born to us "Late Bloomers," we are faced with caring for our aging parents.

There comes a point at which our parents visit a physician and return home with no clear idea of what they were directed to do other than fill the prescription and take the medicine. This is not our parents' fault. It is part of aging, and it signals the time for us to start going to the doctor along with them. They need to sign the forms allowing us privilege to their medical records and information, and we need to become pals with their medical caregivers. Then we need to take notes and keep a notebook of all medical results. This is necessary because, all too often, physicians do not talk to each other, and the patient is the only one who knows what is being tested and/or prescribed.

My mother fought a tough battle against lung cancer three years ago during which time it became painfully clear to me that such patients need a "Project Manager" for all their care. Ideally this will be a loved one who unquestionably has the patient's best interests at heart. This "Project Manager" will log vital signs taken at each visit, keep a current record of all meds prescibed, note any changes in the patient's condition as well as diagnoses and instructions. Then the "Project Manager" will see that the medicines are filled and will be dispensed as directed. Side effects should be noted and reported to the proper physician. Future appointments should be made and included in the report.

When someone (of any age) is hospitalized, it is even more imperative that a "Project Manager" be in charge of keeping up with the patient's care directives. Regardless of how knowlegeable or qualified the hospital staff may be, the physicians still don't talk to each other; they merely read the reports logged from each shift. The nurses are so overloaded with patients that they don't have the time to devote to remembering all that goes on with each individual. Too many patients will fall through the cracks if there isn't someone keeping tabs on only them. I shudder to think how many deaths have occurred because of this. I can think of two whom we knew personally.

My mother lost her battle, but not because we didn't fight the good one. And I was there to fight it right beside her. Turning over the responsibility of coordinating her medical care was a great relief to her. It was one less thing she had to worry about as her life was ebbing. I'm grateful I was able to do that for her.

Shortly after her death, my father suffered a stroke. The worst fallout from it was the loss of his peripheral vision and, therefore, his driver's license. He now lives in an assisted living facility and has become quite content there. I have taken over his medical care coordination, and he, too, is relieved. Sometimes a physician will ask to see my notes from the previous visit or from the visit with another physician. I am amazed at how often I have to remind one of a reaction or a test result or a change in medication. I wonder, what on earth happens to elderly patients with no one to help them sort through this stuff? are they really getting all that they need?

This is not to dispute the capabilities of our physicians and medical staff. I'm grateful to those who care for my parents. I trust their judgment and appreciate their compassion. But they have so many patients. They and their staff can't possibly keep up with them all, regardless of how thick those chart folders become. I believe they, too, are relieved when a "Project Manager" backs them up.

So we "Boomers" are still caring for our little darlings and now for our elder darlings as well. Hence our new label: the "Sandwich Generation." I guess we'll never really be "Empty Nesters," because before long, we'll be "Grandparents!" Can't wait for that one! We'll open up that Holiday Inn for sure then!

That's how I see it.